Why is it most girls think there not attracted to ********* but are?

Iam 21 and i hear the phrase it is about confidence with women. I agreed till i started paying attention to people and the reality is what people call confidence is pretty much *********. Feeling like your going to do well and dressing well is great but to act like because of the shoes you wear that that makes you more then who you are that having clothes and certain things makes you unique it does not.Why are most girls not just honest and admit that if they had a nice guy who can be tough they would link him as the friend but if they met a tough guy who had been nice theyd be chasing him. I feel alot of emphasis is placed on acting tough rather then being tough. Whatever happened to looking out for your family,working and going to school showing that your a man not not being assertive all the time when to be honest its really not necessary.